Bro. Conrad was born Dec. 22, 1818,
at the Venushof in Parzham, a family farm located on what was once the
land of the Cistercian Abbey of Fürstenzell near Passau, Bavaria.
Johann Evangelist Birndorfer was the second youngest of 12 children,
five of whom died in infancy. His parents, Bartholomew Birndorfer and
Gertrude Nieder-Mayrinn, had a comfortable home on 500 acres of gently
undulating fertile countryside, broken here and there by patches of
woodland.
The day of his birth, the future
saint was baptized in the parish church of S. Wolfgang in Weng, where
his parents had been married 18 years earlier.
Despite the difficult Napoleonic
times, the Venushof prospered. There was plenty of work, and life at
the Birndorfer household was idyllic and patriarchal. They treated
their help very well. The family enjoyed material blessings, too. One
witness testified, "None of the Birndorfer boys had to serve in the
army. During the winter the Venushof offered hospitality every evening
to travelers like tradesmen or people down on their luck."
At six, Johann was enrolled in the
elementary school at Weng, a half hour's walk from his home. He was a
good student there; but later when he applied for admission to the
Benedictine college at Deggendorf, he was rejected as lacking the
scholastic ability needed to take their courses. Later on he confided
to the sacristan at St. Wolfgang, a childhood friend of his, "You can
be sure that the good Lord did not abandon me. He had a little spot
reserved for me."
The Birndorfer family received the
sacraments of the church regularly, and Johann made great strides in
practicing his religion. He carried his rosary with him and loved to
pray it with his companions. The rosary was a familiar prayer at the
Venushof, where the family recited it each Saturday. Every evening they
prayed the Angelus. And no matter how bad the weather, Johann never
missed Mass, though he sometimes had to wade through pools of water up
to his knees.
From early childhood Hänsel
developed a taste for silence and solitude and sought out the most
unlikely prayer sites, like the barn or out of the way places before an
image of the Madonna. He put up pictures of the saints and the
suffering Christ in the stable and other sites around the farm. It was
not surprising that he was called the "little angel of Venushof." He
was a gentle, good-natured youngster. Like St. Aloysius Gonzaga, one of his favorites, he was a
model for the rest of the young men; and if he were present, they were
careful about their language. "Quiet! Here comes Hänsel," the
servants used to say, "If he doesn't become a saint, no one will."
Hänsel was fond of fresh air and
farm work. In the fields, he acted more like one of the hired hands
than the son of the proprietor. He would rather do a job himself than
ask someone else to do it. As he worked he used to sing the Ave Maria
and other hymns. He always worked bareheaded even under the burning
sun, even though his father advised him to wear a hat to avoid
sunstroke.
"Young Birndorfer was never cut out
to be a farmer," a blacksmith's wife once observed. "He was meant for
prayers, penance and works of charity."
Yet he was a hard worker. After his
job was done he found relaxation on his knees. He prayed while he raked
or pitched hay. While the animals browsed in the fields he could be
seen turning the pages of his prayerbook. One time while his wagon was
creaking its way down a narrow lane the horses bolted and dumped both
hay and driver in the road.
Hänsel had been completely
absorbed in his book of devotions. The incident earned him a good deal
of teasing and a reprimand. But he got up without a word, righted his
wagon, reloaded it and drove off as if nothing had happened.
Though he was successful in managing
farm animals, he was not always able to control his fellow humans.
Whenever he saw some boys fighting he tried to stop them. If they paid
no attention to him, he left them alone. If he heard blasphemy, he
knelt down and prayed.
When Hänsel was 14, his mother
died. He often visited the cemetery at Weng to pray over her grave. Two
years later he lost his father. This fresh sorrow further stimulated
his devotional life. The little altar he kept in his room was the
solitary witness of the long nights spent in prayer. Sometimes morning
came and his bed had not been slept in. He often left his meals
untouched. His sisters took note, and tried to moderate his penances.
He smiled but was not going to allow himself to be bossed by women.
Only his confessors were able to temper his zeal, especially Fr. Franz
Xavier Dullinger to whom young Birndorfer went to confession every week
or two.
Johann attended Mass and received
Communion as often as possible. He was familiar with all the churches
and shrines in the area. On holy days he put on his best clothes and
nothing could stop him from going to Griesbach for the first Mass
there, then to the solemn high Mass at Weng. In the afternoon he
attended vespers at Birnbach. He was accustomed to rising at an early
hour, four a.m., in the summer.
Sometimes he found the doors of the
churches locked. He was a familiar sight to all the sacristans and the
devout old ladies who were up at the crack of dawn. As he waited for
the church to open, he prayed at the door.
Once inside he always sat in the
first pew to the left, close to the wall. In winter he would find
shelter on the church porch which offered some protection against the
weather. When Mass was over he was the last one to leave the church. If
he thought he was alone he used to rise from his pew and kneel down on
the lowest step of the altar. Sometimes he would remain there for
hours, as one inquisitive lady observed. On his way home he took the
less traveled roads and bypassed six taverns of Birnbach where the
jovial Bavarians might crack some earthy jokes about his piety.
As he walked along the road he kept
his eyes cast down and greeted passersby with "Praised be Jesus
Christ." Some people called him a fanatic, but that didn't bother him
at all. In many respects he was like other Bavarian Catholics. He said
the same prayers and sang the same hymns. The difference was, he never
seemed to tire. Other pilgrims were not always eager to march with him.
He started out very early to make a pilgrimage to, perhaps,
Marianhilberg in Passau. There was no idle chatter along the way.
Either they kept silence or said their prayers. The hours on the road
stretched out like the beads of a rosary that was never finished.
At time he would break silence but
then only to explain how to meditate on the passion of Christ during
the Mass. Fasting was no problem for him. "Why don't you take some
breakfast," he was asked. He answered: "I don't need any. Prayer is
enough for me." It was not a very logical answer, but it made sense to
him and that was all that mattered. He was a member of a number of
prayer groups, youth organizations and confraternities like that of
Perpetual Adoration, the Mass guild at Birnbach, the Scapular society
at Klösslarn and, of course, the Franciscan
Third Order at
Altötting.
In those days parish missions were
frequently given at Birnback, Tristern, Klösslarn and Ashbach.
Johann made all of them. One that made a deep impression was preached
at the shrine of St. Anna at Ering on the Inn in 1838. After attending
it, young Birndorfer became more devout and recollected. He felt a
growing attraction toward the religious life but was uncertain which
order to join. His confessor, Fr. Dullinger, settled the question for
him. "Go to the Capuchins. That's where you belong..." It was all he
needed to hear.
He might have one day become the
foreman and eventually the owner of Venushof but he renounced all his
interests in the property. He divided his share of the estate among the
parish of Weng, which needed money to enlarge the cemetery, the poor,
the St. Boniface Society and the new missionary society of St. Ludwig
(the Ludwigsverein) at Munich. He assembled the family in front of the
little altar in his room. One of those present remembered, "He gave us
a beautiful little talk. I shall never forget." He wrote these words in
his copy of the "Imitation of Christ": "Hail to Jesus and Mary, the
only joy of one who loves God and longs only for Jesus Crucified." It
was September of 1849.
The Young Capuchin
He was 31 years of age when he went
to the door of the Capuchin friary at Altötting. The local
superior, Fr. Thomas Hacker, received him as a candidate. After six
months he was given the Third Order habit and assigned to help the
porter of the friary. Johann had been a secular Franciscan for the past
eight years. From that time on he was known as Bro. Conrad in honor of St. Conrad of Piacenza, S.F.O., a 14th century Franciscan
hermit and penitent.
Conrad found the life hard at first,
as he admitted in a letter to his family, but he soon got used to it.
"Our day is divided between prayer and work and I have little time left
for anything else. On feast days we are kept very busy at the door. I
am very happy and in good health. I don't need anything. The brothers
are very kind; we are really concerned for one another. We are never
sad, but joyful in the Lord. There are 10 fathers and 11 brothers
stationed here. In the beginning I felt ill at ease living in such a
large group because of my natural shyness. I soon got to know them all
and am getting along much better. I tried to learn all their names. If
you work at the door you have to know all the friars. The people want
to see sometimes one, sometimes another. Now, thanks be to God, I know
them all by name and also where their cells are located." It was a
little letter written at the beginning of 1850 full of simple joy.
In March of 1851, he had to leave
Altötting to go to Burghausen to take care of a sick priest. The
parting was painful for him. He writes about it with his usual
terseness, "I have to leave this blessed place, I cannot hide the fact
that it is costing me a lot to go... Time had passed so quickly that I
can hardly believe that I have been here a year and nine months. Many
people come here and we have little time to relax. Now obedience calls
me elsewhere... Pray that I may become a true son of St. Francis and as
such live and die."
At Burghausen he had to look after
old Fr. Sylvester, who was now very close to death, and he shared the
cell of the sick priest day and night. Still a letter from Burghausen
reveals that he was very content there, whereas at Altötting his
duties as assistant porter had prevented him from sharing fully in the
life of the community. Conrad makes reference in the letter to the
"evil and dangerous times" in which they were living, apparently
referring to the current atheistic and socialist movements and the
rumors of impending war. He writes, "My dear ones, time is always so
short. It is a great grace to take care of this sick friar. I must stay
with him in his cell. I am glad to do it. I am in excellent health. I
am very happy. I perform my religious duties and my work here is not as
hard as it was at home. I wish you all the best. We are living in times
when every devout soul must shudder. It looks as if the powers of hell
were loosed and trying to ruin all that is good and religious. But the
Lord is kind and merciful..."
Early in September 1851 the
provincial, Fr. Michael Hazelbeck decided to send the young postulant
to Laufen. There, on Sept. 17, Bro. Conrad exchanged his Tertiary habit
for that of a Capuchin novice. His novice master was Fr. Stanislaus
Schüster of Aufhofen. The local superior. Fr. Franz Xavier
Kapplmayr of Illmünster (who as provincial minister sent the
Bavarian friars to America in 1873) was seven years younger than Bro.
Conrad, whose job in the novitiate was to help in the garden and
orchard. After a month Conrad suffered from severe constipation
complicated by bronchitis and had to take to bed. It marked the onset
of a respiratory ailment from which he had to suffer the remainder of
his life.
Not much is known about the details
of his novitiate days. In one of his letters home, dated February 1852,
he gives us some idea of the spiritual climate in which he lived. We
find in it ascetic reflections evidently learned from the novice
master. He wanted to become a real Capuchin. There were to be no half
measures. He states, "It is some time since I last wrote, but I have
not forgotten you. I have been somewhat unwell. Twice during Advent I
had to spend a few days in bed. I feel better now. Pray that God may
grant me good health if it be his will. I am happy in the Lord and have
no desire to return to the world. You must realize that I am in the
novitiate. Pray for me that I may complete the year successfully and
become a good Capuchin not only by wearing the habit but in spirit as
well. This is the way to live and die."
The novitiate year was a demanding
one. Later on Bro. Conrad was to tell a young novice, "Our novitiate
was much harder. Many a time you had to be satisfied with water and
kneel on the floor." He loved his vocation as a very special grace.
Keeping in mind his natural reticence, every one of his saying as
recorded in the process takes on special significance. The sentences
are short but rich in thought. "The way one is in the novitiate is the
way he will be for the rest of his life." "A Capuchin is happy only
when he lives according to his rule." "Either be a good Capuchin, or
none at all." "I am not worthy to wear this habit."
His religious life style, which for
all practical purposes started during his 30 years on the family farm,
received its finishing touches at Laufen. He emerged from the novitiate
a fully matured Capuchin, so that Bro. Primus Häusler, one of the
most important witnesses at the process, could testify: "He became a
Capuchin with all his body and soul."
Conrad's life goals were documented
in 11 resolutions he made after considerable thought in the novitiate,
probably during the retreat before profession. They give us a clear
picture of the kind of Capuchin Bro. Conrad intended to be:
- I resolve in the first place to
remain continually in the presence of God and to ask myself frequently
if I would do this or that if my confessor or superior were watching me
and especially if God and my guardian angel were present.
- I resolve to ask myself, whenever I
have to encounter crosses of suffering, "Conrad, why have you come
here?"
- I resolve to avoid leaving the
friary, as far as possible unless it be out of love for my neighbor,
obedience, reasons of health, a pious pilgrimage or some other good
cause.
- I resolve to foster fraternal charity
in myself and in others. Therefore I resolve to take care never to say
an unkind word. I resolve to bear up patiently with the defects and
weaknesses of others, and as far as possible to hide them with the
mantle of charity unless I am in duty bound to manifest them to someone
who is in a position to correct them.
- I resolve to observe silence
conscientiously. I resolve to speak briefly and so avoid many pitfalls
and be better able to converse with God.
- When at table I resolve to place
myself in the presence of God as far as I can, to remain recollected
and to pass up my favorite dishes so as to practice a hidden form of
mortification. I resolve not to eat between meals unless ordered to do
so under obedience.
- I resolve to answer the first call of
the bell unless legitimately hindered.
- I resolve to avoid, as far as
possible, conversing with the opposite sex unless obedience imposes
duties on me which make it necessary to speak with women. In that case
I resolve to be very reserved and maintain custody of the eyes.
- I resolve to carry out orders
punctually and to the letter. I resolve especially to make every effort
to conquer my own will in all things.
- I resolve to force myself to pay
close attention to minor details and as far as possible avoid every
imperfection. I resolve to observe the holy rule faithfully and not to
depart from it a hairsbreadth, come what may.
- I resolve to cultivate a deep
devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary and strive to imitate her virtues.
His repeated "I resolve" is like a
holy refrain that recalls the protestations of faith, obedience and
service found in the testament of St. Francis. These resolutions help
us understand many of the events in the life of Bro. Conrad during the
long years he was to spend as porter of St. Ann in Altötting, a
post he was to fill until his death.
St.
Conrad of Parzham is known for the warm care he tirelessly provided the
steady stream of pilgrims who came to the Capuchin friary during his 40
years as friary porter (or doorkeeper) near the ancient Marian shrine
at 